Author: Steven D'Adamo

I'm a fantasy author and blogger. I like to write about the creative process, music, movies, books, and my weekly haiku series, "Haiku Sunday"

On Why I Continue to Write

On By Steven D'AdamoIn On StorytellingLeave a comment

Existential dread for writing is real, as it probably is for any creative pursuit, honestly.

I often find myself asking “why” I write, why I continue to believe this is something I should be spending my time and energy on. This question doesn’t normally come as an emotional response, as in how can I go on writing? Who even wants to read my stories? It’s a matter of objective reasoning — existentialist — as in, what’s the use in writing if I’m not aggressively pursuing bestseller lists or millions of readers or international fame. Why am I persisting with this?

I think it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the doubtful voices in your head, so arming yourself with a litany of reasons to keep writing can be helpful when those doubts start to creep in.

For me, in the current moment, the doubt stems not from a lack of desire to write, or even a lack of stories I feel I want to tell, but from the extremely limited time I can spend writing day-to-day, or week-to-week.

Even now, I write this blog post at 11pm, after one long day of work, on the cusp of another, when I should be in bed trying to capture the rest of which I am so often in want. My wife sleeps in our bed across the room from me, as does Teddy, our Jack Russell who loves nothing more than to curl up between us.

In this moment, I’m writing in spite of the things I should rather be spending my time on. At least, that’s what the doubtful voices in my are telling me.

Writing stories is a lot harder than writing blogs, and, as my monthly goals posts will attest, it has become even more difficult for me to find either the time or the mental space to write stories, of late.

So naturally, I’ve begun to question whether it’s worth the effort, the pressure I still put on myself to write.

My conclusion, for now, is that it is. When I was writing my first novel, I felt an urgent need to finish and publish that story. My goal at the time was to publish my first book before I turned 30, and I achieved that with less than two months to spare.

Now, I feel the need to continue to tell stories, but not on any particular timeline. So, for the current moment, I’m writing because I feel as though I should tell the stories in my head, for whoever ends up reading them.

What that means when it comes to publishing them, I’m not sure. They will be published, but the purpose and form of that is more nebulous than it used to be, and I’m okay with that. In some ways, the writing is the point, at least for right now.

Steve D

February Write Day: Resetting Expectations

On By Steven D'AdamoIn Fantasy, On StorytellingLeave a comment

January has been a full month. I’m taking an online noncredit course for work, and I had underestimated the amount of mental energy it would require from me, on top of my day job.

Last Month’s Goal

  1. Read three books.
  2. Exercise at least every other day and get back to the gym.
  3. Finish current round of revisions for New Earth.
  4. Outline New Earth for chapter structure.
  5. Begin revisions based on character notes.

Let’s get to the reviewing.

Read three books?

No. I finished one book in January, although I made progress on two others.

I sort of don’t know what to do with the current book I’m listening on audiobook: Black Leopard, Red Wolf. The world is more detailed than anything I’ve ever read. The characters are intimate and unique. And yet, one-third of the way through the book, I’m just starting to grasp where this story is headed. This book is 24 hours of listening time in audio format, and it’s taken me nearly eight hours to understand the plot.

Maybe audiobook is the wrong format to read this book. I intend to finish it, but I have been stalled by snail’s pace of a plot on this one. What kills me is that this is an incredibly well-written book. I really want to like it. So, I’m hoping it will start to pick up in the second act.

Exercise every other day and get back to the gym?

Almost. I exercised 11 days in January, but I did not make it to the gym. My challenge at the moment is finding the right time of day to work out, and making that part of my routine.

When I was last going to the gym regularly, about four years ago now, I had access to a really nice gym in the office where I worked. This allowed me to work out during my lunch breaks. Once I left that job, I had to reset my routine to work out in the evenings at a local gym.

When I stopped going to my local gym — circa 2020, no idea why… — I never went back. So now, I’m in this space where on any given day, I know I should exercise, but I find it difficult to a) tear myself away from work, even though I mostly work from home, b) tear myself away from family obligations in the evenings, or c) motivate to go to the gym later at night once the kids are in bed.

So, I’m still trying to find that balance. I think it may end up being a mixed bag of short workouts on weekday afternoons, and one or two longer gym workouts at night or on the weekends.

Finish current round of revisions for New Earth?

Technically, yes!

Because I never wrote an ending to this story, and somehow forgot about that fact. I need to finish the ending, and then I can call this done.

Outline this story for chapter structure, and revise based on character sheets?

No, and no. See above.

Goals for February

I have some catching up to do in February. My online course will continue through this month, so now that I know what the course load really looks like, I should be able to work around it better.

I started a new thing last week. Weekly goals for my personal life. I track weekly goals for work as a running to-do list, so I thought I might as well try that in my home life as well. I’m starting with pretty basic things, but being able to check things off throughout the week is good.

Incidentally, most of my personal weekly goals are related to my monthly goals. I don’t intend to publish them here regularly, but perhaps I’ll talk about them now and then.

The point is, I’m hoping this will help me stay focused on the things that are important to me, sort of a self-care checklist.

  1. Read 3 books. I’m actually not sure how I’m going to achieve this in February. I will likely not finish Black Leopard, Red Wolf this month, unless it becomes extremely compelling soon. I can probably finish my current nonfiction paperback read, and I may need to find a couple of shorter reads to fill the gaps in between.
  2. Exercise every other day and get to the gym. Same as last month, just trying to establish that routine.
  3. Finish ending for New Earth. I know how I want to tie off this story. I just need to sit down and do it. I’m honestly out of practice for long writing sessions, what with my focus on revisions this past year.
  4. Outline New Earth for chapter structure. Same.

Steve D

Book Review: OATH AND HONOR presents frightening account of Jan. 6

On By Steven D'AdamoIn On Life, ReviewsLeave a comment

When I saw Liz Cheney’s memoir, Oath and Honor: A Memoir and a Warning, available for preorder, I knew I had to read it. While I did not closely follow Cheney’s political career, I had a vague sense of respect for her; she seemed like the type of politician who stood by her principles.

I got this sense in the aftermath of Jan. 6 and during the news cycle around the Select Committee in the House of Representatives to investigate the events that allowed the insurrection to occur.

I have even more respect for her now, having read this..

Oath and Honor is a frightening narrative of the January 6 insurrection. I have felt since that day that Trump and his supporters in Congress were somehow culpable, that they should be held accountable. I now have no lingering doubts. Trump and the members of his administration and Congress who supported his attempted insurrection must all be held accountable.

Cheney discusses in detail the amorphous uncertainty she had around Trump’s administration in the weeks between the 2020 election and the planned inauguration of President Biden. According to her narrative, she had a feeling and even had conversations with others in power that something was not right.

Her account of the insurrection itself is harrowing; to know that the organizers behind the mob had planned to lay siege to the Capitol and return armed after dark is a nightmare scenario I won’t soon forget.

Cheney then lays out what came to pass over the following eighteen months, her involvement in the Select Committee, and her bid for reelection in Wyoming, which she lost to a Trump-supporting election denier.

This moment in US history is still too near, too real and present, for me to take the critical view of Cheney’s narrative from a historical perspective. I think there may be a few minute moments in this account where she comes off as self-righteous, where she lingers just a little too long on her own admiration for figures like her father, and Reagan.

But, this is a memoir, after all. Perhaps in five or ten years, when all of this is (hopefully) in the history books, I will be able to reread this with a more critical ear for Cheney’s own version of these events compared to other accounts that will surely be published. For now, I have to take this accounting of January 6th at face value…

As a warning.

Anyone who cares about the US or who feels compelled to understand what actually happened that day, please read this book.

Steve D

My Goodreads Challenge 2023 Recap

On By Steven D'AdamoIn On StorytellingLeave a comment

Around this time of year, I usually do a bunch of recaps on my goals, my website stats, or my book publishing strategy for the upcoming year. I’m not doing any of that this year, because I like my monthly goal recaps, my website stats are underwhelming and not a key focus for me, and I’m still figuring out my next steps for publishing, as opposed to just writing.

One thing I am pretty stoked about from 2023, however, is my Goodreads reading challenge, in which I achieved my goal of 26 books read for 2023.

The Highlights

I’m not going to list each and every book; you can check out the detail above or on my Goodreads profile if you like. But it’s fund to look at my reading trend/mood for the last year.

I read…

22 fiction books, including…

  • 6 novels from The Last Kingdom series, which I finished in 2023
  • 4 collections of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes stories
  • 1 finale to The Wheel of Time
  • 5 other fantasy stories
  • 4 thrillers
  • 2 character dramas

4 nonfiction books, including…

  • 2 history books, usually a staple of my reading list
  • 1 parenting book
  • 1 book about writing

I didn’t really read any sci fi this year, but I did read a lot of historical fiction, as opposed to fantasy or just straight history. I’d like to continue reading historical fiction this year; the challenge is finding the books with the right balance of historical basis, fictionalization, and overall storytelling.

Anyway, I like that spread, but will probably try to read a bit more nonfiction and sci-fi this year, just to diversify a bit more. I’m also not sure whether or which type of super-epic fiction series I might get into this year. I haven’t yet identified a series that might dominate my reading list across the year, but we’ll see, of course.

Steve D