I had a recent epiphany of sorts that I wanted to articulate somewhere… and what else is a blog for??
I had written a review of Of Monsters and Men’s second studio album, Beneath the Skin, in 2015. While I haven’t kept up with this band’s music of late (and I should really revisit them), this album has left a mark on my soul. Its storytelling power and lyrical imagery still sticks with me.
One song in particular, “Thousand Eyes” ends with an unforgettable climactic declaration by the narrator: “I am the storm… so wait.”
At the time, in the budding-adulthood tumult that can be your mid-twenties, I interpreted this statement as a threat — a warning to those who might wade into psychological or emotional depths with the narrator and find the chaos and rage of a storm at sea. It felt powerful and ominous.
Recently, however, it occurred to me that “I am the storm” does not merely have to mean that someone is a looming threat to others around them — bringers of a storm.
I think it could also mean to embody the storm, to constantly bear the torrent of emotions that could cloud your interactions with yourself or those around you. So yes, you might bring the storm unto others, but you yourself might also need to weather and endure your own storm.
I am the storm. I embody the storm. I endure the storm. As everyone does, in their way.
Perhaps this is a more meditative perspective to this expression, but it feels more complete to me now.
It’s been a long time since I wrote a “status update” type of post, but I’m in the middle of a lot of different things at the moment.
I definitely intended to title this my “Mid-April” check-in, until I realized that it is, in fact, April 25th as I write this. So, here are my status updates.
Revisions
I’m still revising Uprooted, The Herb Witch Tales #1, and hopeful I can finish the current stage by the end of the month. Really enjoying this story, which always feels weird to say about my own writing, but considering what the first draft of this story looked like, I am immensely happy with how it has evolved.
Reading
I’m in the middle of three separate books at the moment. One of them, I may actually finish this month. Another is A Memory of Light, which I’ve just decided is my reading project this year–won’t be finishing that this month. And the third is a book about parenting–Raising GOod Humans–which includes homework.
Yes, I am trying to do the homework. I’m not reading this book because I enjoy the subject matter. I’m reading it because I’ve been having issues with my older son. The book has already helped somewhat, so I’m trying to put in an honest effort. It just means it will take me longer to finish.
Exercise
Part of the above improvement effort has included a realization that I need to exercise for my mental health as much as physical. I’ve always known this, but it’s really hit home for me recently. I’ve been pretty good about it this month for a seemingly obvious reason: I’ve gone back to a yoga channel on YouTube I’m very familiar and very comfortable with–Sarah Beth Yoga.
I had tried the Asana Rebel app, found it lacking, and then wondered what to do next. And I ended up just going back to a yoga teacher on YouTube, whose app I might as well get into, because she’s great. Sometimes the answer is right in front of you.
I’ve also tried to get back into a meditation routine, focused on mindfulness. I’m at the point where a 3-minute meditation session feels short, so that’s probably a good sign.
That’s It
Anyway, that’s all I have this week. Lots of stuff happening, but mostly as works-in-progress, which is just the way it goes sometimes. My monthly goals post next week will be more substantive, and hopefully chock-full of updates.
I’ve been thinking a lot about presence recently, and especially how much I’ve caught myself not being in the present moment in recent weeks.
February was a tough writing month for me in part because I spent more time thinking about stories I haven’t written yet than thinking about my actual current work-in-progress. Even now, one week into this month, I find myself thinking a lot about the end game for The Herb Witch Tales. Not just how I want part 2 to end, but about how I want to reread parts 1 and 2 together and think of them holistically, how I might need additional drafts just to ensure I get them right before I publish, and how my publishing timeline seems to be in a state of constant expansion.
I haven’t even finished a full draft of part 2 yet.
A similar feeling has passed over me while spending time with my three-year-old. A moment at the park when he is playing a game with me but I’m thinking about what time we need to leave to be home for dinner. Or a moment where I’m watching him interact with his six-month-old brother and wondering if the two of them will make each other laugh as teenagers the way they do now.
Neither of those are “bad” distractions, but they are distractions nonetheless.
Even in writing this post, I can’t keep my fingers off my phone until I’ve settled on a song that both suits my vibe and allows me to focus. (The correct answer is “Monumental Holiday” by Dead Sara.)
What I have tried to do is take those distracting thoughts, let them pass through me, and let them go — a lesson I’ve taken from the meditation intro I listened to last month.
Am I going to be able to publish my stories this year? Maybe. Keep writing. What will my kids be like at X age? Impossible to know and always fascinating, but don’t lose sight of who they are right now.
What I can’t say for sure is whether I’m more distracted than usual, or I’m just noticing it more. This site is ostensibly A Writer’s Blog, but these things tend to bleed into each other.
So March is here, and I’m feeling pretty meh about it at the moment. If I had to use one word to describe my February with respect to my goals for the month, I would go with… distracted. I just didn’t give much thought to any of my goals during the month, and it’s not for lack of trying. I just had other things on my mind.
Our seven-month-old isn’t sleeping through the night, and we spent a good portion of February trying different bedtime strategies to nudge him in that direction. The closest we’ve gotten is him sleeping in his crib for a couple hours, then one of us bringing him into our bed when he wakes up for his midnight comfort snack. Now, we’ve just accepted that he’s a particularly cuddly kid, unlike the toddler.
My computer has also been BSOD’ing on me with such regularity that I compulsively save my work every sentence or so. Dear Micrsoft, please fix the REFERENCE_BY_POINTER error, or at least give me some more guidance other than “update drivers”. This computer is probably not even two years old and I’m already contemplating a replacement.
Anyway. Neither of those things are crises, but they’ve taken up my head space recently.
Last Month’s Goals
Write 11,000 words.
Read three books.
Continue the slow climb to a decent exercise routine.
Let’s get this over with.
Write 11,000 words?
Holy crap, no. I didn’t even get close. I could try to blame the extended time we spent in the mountains this month, but that’s not even accurate. Look at this:
Look at that! That’s nine days in the middle of the month where I didn’t write squat. That’s terrible. And I can’t even tell you what I was doing during that stretch. It wasn’t catching up on shows or reading. The second stretch is mostly when we took an extra long weekend in the mountains. I worked mornings for a few days which meant I didn’t want to be on the computer much extra time.
Ugh. Moving on.
Read 3 books?
Technically, yes. Two of those three were one-hour shorts on Audible, and the third was a not-as-short study on meditation to increase productivity. That’s ironic, now that I think about it. Still, I’m counting it!
And I’m into meditation as a balancing effect on the stressful mind. I just need to start up a daily practice.
Establish a decent exercise routine?
I was on a solid pace of resistance training until our little vacation, but that pretty much always happens. I definitely want to jump back into it, so that’s a positive sign.
I might also want to (gulp) start running again. I have always found running boring, but I know I’m not doing enough at the moment, and if doing a loop through my neighborhood gets me outside and moving for 20 minutes, I might just take it at this point.
Goals for March
Write 10,000 words. We’re not doing a ton of traveling this month, and I have three extra days compared to February. I just need to get back on track.
Read 3 books. I’ve made solid progress on Towers of Midnight, even if I’m not reading it as quickly as I had anticipated. I’m kind of savoring this book a bit, knowing it’s the second-to-last in the series. Still, I’ll probably finish it this month.
Continue the exercise climb. And add a meditation practice. My goal is 2 minutes per day. I feel like I’ve talked about exercise a lot, and I just want to do it at this point.
Evening Satellite Publishing 