Reflexively – the truth follows the trust,
Even though the darker honesty I keep hushed.
Always aware of this unbearable truth;
The one you couldn’t bear to hear,
The one carried on bruised shoulders.

Sometimes lies are kind,
And honesty isn’t the best policy,
When trust is too expensive a commodity.

It’s senseless. Leaving myself so defenseless,
Not just to you, but to those I see after confession.
My walls took so long to construct,
Their hinges have long rusted shut,
And if dropping them was difficult,
Pulling them back up is nearly impossible.

My heart can’t take much more,
Of this carcinoma rotting away,
Leaving me broken and sore.
I don’t want people to see that side of me,
When I lose track of me completely,
Regress to lessons taught to me,
By someone who never should’ve been a teacher.

You’ve earned my trust,
But each truth I tell,
Fills me with disgust.

You deserve better.

Jessie Gutierrez