I don’t want to turn to you,
Bent on bruised knees,
Hands bound in prayer,
Pushed by a scare,
For wisdom you can’t provide
As I hide behind the wrong questions,
Cryptic statements, and acceptable lies.

For so long, I couldn’t trust myself;
For too long, I was taught to doubt,
Never you, but always me,
And it’s only recently
I realize how I’ve been deceived.
Brainwashed.
Mislead to Misdeed.
The dead seed planted to never flourish.
Weak and meant to bleed,
All for you.
Because you say so.

You can’t answer
Questions left unasked.
In fact, you can’t answer any query at all.
A casual curiosity lead to my fall –
For every conversation was an exercise in torture,
A decline to comment, a reprimand for interest.
I wish I had more remorse for,
The person I should’ve been
For my fear of sin,
If not for my inquiring mind.

My longing for truth is sincere
Even if my discovery is painful to hear
Even if your answers disappear
Even if your answers are gilded in fear
I will not shy from life,
Not in the name of your lies,
Not even to buy my way to Heaven.

Jessie Gutierrez