Misplaced Missive # 164 – What Price?

What price would you pay to change everything you are?
Transform all the parts that are lackluster…

This version of me;
This perversion of who I wanted to be…
Is so lacking,
But possesses so very much.
None of it needed.
So Take it all,
Break me, Make me,
Someone new.

I’ve changed before: Hid behind the mask,
Until the fake face was truer than the one hidden,
Because I was stricken with an implied forbidden.

Can sin lead to salvation?
Am I willing to surrender my ‘soul’,
To become better?
Forget about eternal forever,
Sever a deity’s love’s tether,
Show doubt without shame,
And forsake who I was taught to be.

What I want is something I cannot afford:
Material collections hoarded,
To fill holes too costly to remove.
As the unused belongings rust from not belonging,
I Tried to be whole, to be worthy,
Of attention, of affection, of trust,
So now I must do what I must,
Because old solutions only
Cause clutter and new problems.

The trick is to keep breathing.
And stop feeling like things have more
Than they actually do.
Give it all away.
Full circle:
Stop acting again,
Until every word said,
Feels natural and honest.

Truth is, there’s no easy trade.
The only price that can be paid,
Is in time and truth and virtue.
All the things I lack are currency
To the cure to who I am.
Just as all the things I own are currently
Holding me back.

Jessie Gutierrez

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