Young and insecure,
Constantly searching for:
Validation, Confirmation
Of reciprocation
Of feelings better forgotten.
So besotted; so taken
I faithfully deny unhealthy devotions,
Set in motion to distract and subtract,
From thought-worthy worries and woes.

What’s worse?
I only want one good reason,
One to worship,
One to bow,
To another in place of more.
This started with how
Higher powers fell,
Taking me with them,
And ends with a howl.
The sound of a scream,
Always preferred over the
Silence of the hollow inside,
Left in their wake.

And maybe it annoys…
Reads like a ploy,
A desperate bid for attention.
Maybe so.
My need for reasons why,
You try to keep me around.
Keeping me near,
When I chose you out of fear.
The attention I want isn’t to land on me,
But on you.
I want one good reason
To devote my energy on another
So I don’t have time to focus
On my faults and failings and fears.
I might as well be bound,
Like a second chance pet,
A hound only kept
Out of pity; Out of obligation.
But that’s better than looking inward,
And finding only a void.

A substantial lack.
Of character, of strength, of person.
So give me one good reason,
That’s all I’m asking,
And if no words rush to the forefront?
Try to lie for my piece of mind,
For there is
Such kindness in deception.
Such cruelty in revelation.

Jessie Gutierrez