I want you to know
I never gave you my heart.
It chose a path I can’t follow
The idea too hard to swallow.

And it’s not something I wanted
To have you hate me if I’m honest.
So now I suffer in the silence of lies by omission
Forsaken to friendship and avoidance
Of a simple sort of truth.

Maybe there can be remedy in something new;
Seeing if I can forget about you,
Despite my heart abandoning me,
Because my brain is commanding me
To grow up and accept reality.

So I’m trying to move on
Without ever letting you know
That anything has changed.
Spare you suspicion and confusion
Spare myself rejection and sorrow.

But I want it written
This wasn’t my decision
To have no control over my thoughts.
They always lead
back to you.

Jessie Gutierrez