Misplaced Missive #50 – Mixed

I held back,
And you looked hurt.
Mixed signals.
I don’t know how this works…
I’m trying to respect your words,
Even when you don’t…
Do you realize that you flirt
With the line between
Hypocrisy and restraint?

I am trying so hard not to…
You’re always here though.
When I asked for space
Why did you say no?

You’re off limits.
And deserve better,
Than I could ever
Manage to give you.
But despite best intentions,
You’re the worst on my control,
Destroying my hold
On my morals and…

I get it’s flattering.
Jump started confidence,
Easily available evidence
With every conversation.
That you tossed away.
So why did you look hurt?
You told me to get over it,
But you act pleased
To see me buried beneath.

When I asked for space
Why did you say no?

Jessie Gutierrez

A/N: I wrote quite a lot of these letters years ago. Sometimes, when typing them up for posting here, I realize how very much has changed. I never thought I’d get any answers for the questions that caused me to turn to my notebooks in frustration. It’s interesting to note that while interpersonal relations have gotten less confounding, they have also in direct proportion gotten less intense. Maybe that’s merely another ‘pro’ of youth: the intensity of feeling. Maybe that’s another ‘con’ of adulthood: the reality of perspective. 

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