Harsh Reality

You thought things would change
Like the words meant I’d miraculously be better
But passed experience has left me lastingly bitter.

All my love before has been vicious –
Cracked glass and thrown dishes,

Late night star gazing at adhesive visions
Praying for the impossible, drowning in wishes
Of anywhere but here.

I only like you ’cause you make me suffer –
I am broken and don’t want to recover.
Before you, there was only one other,
Willing to destroy and degrade me like this.

So accustomed to the emotional brutality,
The obvious conclusion – the harsh reality –
Is that I only want you
Because you are
The absolute worst thing for me.

I’ll never change, never overcome what’s been done,
Not because of you, or because of 3 little words.
It doesn’t matter what you heard,
Because that night, drunk in the dark,
You missed what they meant.

Jessie Gutierrez